August 27, 2012
I sent him a text at 10:30am with a proposal.
Meet me at the Double Tree off the 99 tonight. I’ll be there waiting for you, bring nothing with you, just that crooked smile.
Thirty minutes later his response was the complete opposite of everything about and around this man,
See you there.
Still, I hesitated to believe that it might actually happen this time. We had been here before and Charlie had always chickened out. He was like a deer caught in headlights around me, always acutely aware that one move and he would be free-falling down the hole of “in too deep” with me. He knew once he crossed over that tiny, thin line, that pulling the ripcord on this thing we shared would be next to impossible. Charlie never leaves anyone he loves.
I had a few hours before it was time to hit the road and make the trek to meet him. Charlie lived an hour and 15 mins from me on the weekends, so I had selected a hotel that was exactly halfway for both of us.
Up until tonight our relationship was mostly emotional. We had shared some passionate stolen moments at the office and some heavy make-out sessions in the back of my car but due to our “circumstances” we were unable to go beyond that. So instead we spent every single day talking and sharing the stories of our lives. We fell in love almost immediately and tonight was going to be the night we broke right through that damn thin line.
I picked up his favorite bottle of booze, packed an overnight bag, a speaker, some candles and hit the road.
As I sat in the hotel room I fantasized about all the things I was going to do to him. I wanted to take him all in, taste him and make him feel like a man. Our chemistry was insane. Everything about him set me off …. He knew exactly how to get me going and I was lost in him.
I stood in front of the mirror and stared. I wanted to see myself how he saw me. At 35 years old I was in the best shape of my life. I was a size 12, full breasts and hips, tanned skin. The silky black nightie I was wearing showed off all the curves of my Sicilian/Mexican frame. My hair was jet black, thick and cascaded down my back. I felt really good about myself and I couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when I opened the door, glass of whiskey in hand.
Charlie was older, 13 years my senior. He was an accomplished professional, the son of a former U.S. Senator. He was tall, salt & pepper colored hair, with a square jaw that perfectly framed his mischievous, crooked smile. His southern accent was thick and he had the swagger of a cowboy. He lived his life in the public eye, donning a suit most days of the week but privately he was someone else and I felt lucky to know that side of him.
If his life hadn’t already been mapped out by the time he was 5 years old, he would have spent his days drinking whiskey, listening to country music and playing poker with a pretty lady on his arm.
Instead – he was driving the 99, making his way to a Double Tree hotel in the late evening, leaving his family and “perfect” wife behind to think he was headed to an award ceremony in another state. Charlie chose to bargain and carve out a tiny space where he could be himself and leave the mask behind. He told himself he was allowed this experience with me because everything else in his life was lived for everyone else.
I heard the quiet knock. I looked out the peep hole and saw Charlie standing there. Big jacket on, casually dressed with a baseball cap pulled down low as to try to hide his face from the public. I knew not to leave him standing there very long, everything about this scenario was risky. I opened the door and we both felt the impact of being face to face. I had to catch my breath; his smile …. his smell was intoxicating and he drank me all in with his eyes and his breathing slowed and became heavy.
We were already drunk and hadn’t even had a sip of alcohol yet.